As soon as i came back to my dorm tonight, i dropped everything and wanted to make a simple mug of tea. Nothing too fancy, just a little bit of sugar and  a lipton tea bag. I fill everything up and all i need to do, is boil that water. 

That mug has been that way, for the past 20 minutes.

It will be some relaxing tea. Today i went with my girlfriend Katie to this place called the Stan Hywet Mansion. Wonderful place with beautiful scenery, an extravagant Mansion, and an even greater history. I remember making the comment, something along the lines of:

“See, this place is so striking visually because there was an extreme amount of detail put into almost everything you see. Someone’s sweat could be in that wood because they labored over it. You know what society wants today though? they want things designed, and presented so simply that they don’t even have to appreciate the craftsmanship, or the hard work put into it.”

And its true. you know why vintage things always come back around to interest people? because you can see the handiwork someone put into that, you can tell someone molded that steel and custom made it. 

So why can’t we all work harder. the best things aren’t meant to be easily attained, right?

i saw it even more when i got to experience something else. 

This guy i know, he’s liked this girl for awhile right? He says that he has been praying “for six months..every, single, night.” for God to show him if it will, or even should be a thing. Its been hard on him because she couldn’t date until she was 16 (they are both the same age). When he finally asks, she says:

“Go ask my Dad.”

He’s been working on it for awhile, talking to her dad. With that much commitment though, what Dad wouldn’t let a guy like that date his daughter!

So thought for the day:

Work hard for what you want, and put your heart into it. Don’t give up and stand your ground.

Now if you’ll excuse me, i have some tea to steep.

My Great Grandma Ellis Passed away today. 

I was with my grandma when her dad passed away and i could tell through her blatant lies that “I’m okay” wasn’t the right answer. I remember that day; we had a discussion about church and why God takes people out of our lives. She seemed to understand what i was saying, but as far as accepting it, i can’t be definite. 

I called her today, and i could tell she knew that i knew (aka i could probably call more often).

I asked how she was doing, and she replied with a hopeful “I’m okay.”

She just missed her father when his time came. He knew it was his time as he yelled “Go!” in an effort to make her leave. It worked. 

The one thing i really remember that stuck with her that day was her saying “That darn fool drove me out of the room..he knew it was time..he didn’t want me to be there. He was trying to save me.”

Today, I’m still not sure if my grandmother believes in Christ. But God always finds a way to put his foot in the door. Sometimes His “Go!” is telling you to get your life in order, get moving. but other times, its simply a diversion, in a heroic attempt to save you from something that will effect your life for the worst. 

Philippians 1:20

neverquityourdaydream:

just-so-fetchh:

kept-it-ugly:

reblogging so this can ruin someone else’s day too

fuck whoever made this

holy fucking shit. 

haaahha

Last piece of procrastination until I die of work overload tonight #hermit #tea (at Haviland Penthouse)

Lately i have been feeling like my feet are glued to the ground. I feel like i end up at my desk again just looking for things to do. Everyone is gone, and who’s left here is working their butts off because they are in the nursing field. 

I’ve been introduced to a new church, and i’m even leading a small group of high schoolers in devotions. 

God is pushing me towards something I’m unsure of. No more can i satisfy my want for something new by just going out and buying it. Instead of looking outward i have to look inwards. 

Even worse, my priorities are skewed and i feel as if I’m just standing, breathing, and nothing more. 

i can’t stand for this. and i won’t.

its infecting everyone i know.

it seems like age discriminates, but peer pressure never does.

this air is thick like spider webs and it reeks of change.

the past is gone, but the way i see everyone is still in past form.

Frost was right, nothing can stay golden. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH2efAcmBQM

It is torture. feeling the need to make every little comment because i want to be the comedian of the group. it is torture feeling the metal chain links snag on my ankle as i try and run. It is constantly staring at me with that vicious smile. it says “you won’t make it far, not without me.” and it could be cut. yes sir it could. it would relieve me. it would lift what feels like a burden off of my shoulders, lifting me with it off the ground for a moment. the weight difference would be silent, but bold. but it doesn’t need to be cut, for i have the key to unlock it. just like a shirt or a pair of shoes i take it on and off, alternating between the two as if i was paddling in a canoe. 

its almost painful. holding back all the thoughts of anger. anger towards myself, others, and God. i have always tried to move towards the next thing God has planned for me. but I’m tripped up by that chain, that chain i voluntarily wear to make everyone happy, including my self worth. i hate the fact that i think have to keep the chain on to make everything better. it keeps me going and it helps my life make sense.

i hate not putting the chain on because i know things won’t be as well off.

i don’t know how my dad did it.

and i don’t know how I’m going to do it.

but i know i can trust God. and i know can rely on my friends, family, and girlfriend.  

this drug..

its called Adderall.

and that is what my chain consists of.

people think ill make excuses like “you don’t know how hard it is.”

they are wrong. i don’t care how hard it is, I’m glad other people don’t have it.

i know its a blessing..somehow, somewhere.

but right now, it feels like  a burden.

I can’t stop thinking about the verse from the song “Laundry Room” by the Avett Brothers.

“I am a breathing time machine”

After enjoying such a masterpiece, I could only ask myself, “where (and when) would I go if I could travel through time?”

I can’t think of an exact point. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to really be there. I kinda want to do this third person thing and sit back and watch my life as it were DVR’d on a TV. But I know I’d be disgusted by my life. I’d be yelling “don’t do that!” as if i would be watching a scary movie. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I’d put the remote down, and walk away. Probably live a little.

“I’ll take you all for a ride”

Why dont I want to time travel? Because I don’t care for it. I was there for my past, I don’t need to relive it. What I do want to do us enjoy the days I have, enjoy the curiosity of what the future would be like. I don’t know what it will be like. I’m a breathing time machine because all of my past has been for the better of my future, and I’ll use that to take people on a ride through their lives, through their faith. Hopefully. If not, I’ll be used for something else,

But I will always be a breathing time machine, alms I’ll always be willing to take a ride with everyone, so I can tell them why I am who I am.

I rant too much. Bedtime for me.

I need to stop writing so late too, half of that didn’t make any sense. I’d be a terrible motivational speaker lol